First let me say, for those who got upset about the "knee caps" comment, it was a joke and not meant to offend Janet's legions of fans. I LOVE Janet. There is no bigger Janet fan than me so fluff down. Now, it seems that things are a little bit more serious than initially thought. Nothing life threatening but she needs to be monitored and she needs to chill for a minute. It looks like the next show might not be until Connecticut. Stay tuned.

Mama Needs Some Rest

Sorry I've been away so long but Mimi's late ass album still has me devastated. Anyway...Bon jour Montreal, Janet had to cancel. Her dancers bucked her to the floor in Toronto last night and her knee caps are down for the count. See you Boston. Any bloggers who use this info would want to give me credit.

Crash Landing

Mimsy was on "Good Morning America" performing the hot garbage from that bum ass CD, "E=Real Live Tired". I missed the show because I had to watch my dishes dry but I heard the explosion when she hit the ground. The vocal track started early and then one of her background singers started doing Mimsy's part. At this point, Mimsy turns around and sings, "stop singing my part now baby..." at the soon-to-be-fired vocalist. Contrary to what people have been saying, neither the background singer nor the sound engineer are on my payroll. But...I might put them in the WILL if they keep it up. HA!

THIS JUST IN..

Janet starts rehearsals next week for her performance on "Dancing With The Stars" during May sweeps. I have never seen the show before but from what I understand, they get 20 million viewers every week. I guess it can't hurt. Yo Jan, call me so we can discuss your look for the show. Enough of those french poodle curls. You need to be rocking that streamlined, straight do you had at the end of the "Feedback" video. I wouldn't be mad if I saw that red jumpsuit and those stiletto boots either but I know repeats are a no no. And let's get to work on the "LUV" video. I've got ideas so lets talk.

WHAT!

Why oh why won't people let me just be nice? You know folks are always sending Nate stuff to get him to start READING. Well...here Nate goes again. One reader took it upon himself to forward me a link to a posting from female (?) rapper, Kh-Kh-Khia's MySpace page. She's carrying on about how her footage in Janet's "So Excited" video was handled. First, why are you still talking about "So Excited?" That was like 20 years ago. See how people make me act?

Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia said they had her looking like some old Alfred Hitchcock episode. For you youngsters, Alfred Hitchcock was a movie director ("Psycho", "The Birds" and a list of other classic films...Netflix them) who also had a mystery TV show called, "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" back when there was no such thing as DirectTV, cable television or even color television for that matter. She said that Janet is a legend and shouldn't be intimidated by her. WHAT! Intimidated by what? Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia's looks? Good luck on that. If Janet binged on Krispy Kreme until she was the size of Madison Square Garden, she'd still be more beautiful than the Khia Pet. Maybe she meant that Janet is intimidated by her success. WHAT! Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia best record sales wouldn't add up to Janet's worst. Plus Janet has a career that spans television, film and music. Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia Pet, besides making a few sales at Christmas time as a gag gift has had what, one single? Her back, her neck, my ass.

This chick sounds real stupid. If she was paying attention, she would have noticed that Janet was not the director of the video and she sure as hell didn't sit down and edit it. If Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia has a problem with how she looked in the video, she might want to speak with the director, or her sylist, or her parents, or even the clown in the mirror.

I realize that it's common practice in the music business for nobody's to create drama between themselves and successful established artists to get some press but let's be serious. The only thing Janet did to you Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia is give you a check. Otherwise, you'd probably be working the 3am shift at some pancake house in Jacksonville...with yo bum ass.

MY EYES, MY EYES!!!

OK, once again, Nate has had all he can take. What the fuck is Madonna's problem? Has she started believing her own press or what? I used to be a fan of hers. Big time. She used to be my playground. Not because of her vocal ability. I mean let's face it, Madonna makes Janet sound like an opera diva. But she was entertaining and when she bit off of other people's ideas, to the general public, she seemed original. But now, here comes GrandMa-Donna doing a duet with Justin Timberflake, produced by Timbaland. Didn't Nelly Tostados do that already and with much better results?

I realize that there is nothing new under the sun, especially in the music business but there is such a thing as creativity, something that GrandMa-Donna seems to have lost. She obviously needs a better class of queens in her court to advise her. She looks like a 90 year old hand bag on her new album cover, trying to muster up something that vaguely resembles her former raunchy sex appeal. Now I understand why Marilyn Monroe and Anna Nicole took themselves out while they were still young. They didn't want to end up looking like a damn fool.

Granny, be grateful for your previous accomplishments for they are many and they are major. Now go sit your old ass down somewhere and stop embarrassing your husband and children.

MURDER IN MANHATTAN

R.I.P. Nate & Mimsy

On March 15, 2008, "Saturday Night Live" was the location of the death of my relationship with Mariah Carey. When Mimsy (I shall no longer call her Mimi) came on to the scene with "Vision of Love," I was not impressed mostly because I've never been one to jump on the bandwagon of those chosen by the media to be "the next big thing." She did make some progress with me with her "MTV Unplugged" video and CD, David Morales remixes and a couple of her tunes that I begrudgingly fell in love with. But it was the video for "Honey" in which she jumps into a pool fully clothed, shimmies out of her dress to have on a Tom Ford designed Gucci bikini and coordinating Gucci stilettos. I was like, "now THAT'S what I'm talking about!" We've been together ever since. I stood by her through her divorce from her Svengali, Tommy Mottola. I stood by her when she had her breakdown, brought on by alleged reports that Tommy was trying to sabotage her career and even called up Trey Lorenz, Mimsy's background singer, duet partner ("I'll Be There") and BFF, waving promises of reviving his attempt at a solo career in return for information on her comings and hoeings...I mean goings. Trey reportedly told Mr. Mottola hell no and immediately went back to Mimsy with the dirt. (As I said, this is all alleged. But I believe it...). I even spent my hard earned money seeing "Glitter" in the movie theater. Do you know how much it costs to go to the movies in New York City?!?!?! And despite what has been reported "Glitter" is no worse than Eminen's "8 Mile" or ANYTHING Jennifer Lopez has starred in.

Mimsy and I made it through the rain because I thought we belonged together but alas, it's time for me to shake it off. Her performance on SNL was a car crash with no survivors. While she looked great, she sounded a hot mess and her dancers looked like they were at rehearsal instead of on live television. But it wasn't just the performance. What's up with but the material. If "Touch My Body" and some bum ass song featuring T Pain (I was so disgusted, I didn't bother to catch the title) is any indication of what her forthcoming album, "E=MC2" is like, the only way I'll own it is if someone gives it to me. She will not buy another Louis Vuitton anything with my money.

When Janet was on "TRL" a couple weeks ago, the crowd was so pumped, the roof almost blew off the joint. Mimsy only got polite applause on "SNL". Mimsy, how you gonna let Janet blow you out the water like that and she's damn near 10 years older than you? You were supposed to do one of those downtempo ditties like "We Belong Together," hit one of those bird whistles, bring down the house and make people forget you were a replacement for Janet because she has the flu. You sucked big time and not in a good way. Of course, I reserve the right to eat my words and change my mind if something hot pops off that album, but at this point, good luck on that.

I Heard That...

...the video for "Rock With U" is done. One of Janet's dancers plays her love interest and they even share a kiss at the end of the video. Lucky Bastard. Also, rehearsals start Sunday for Janet's upcoming performance on "Saturday Night Live." I hope they have a new routine for "Feedback". Don't get me wrong, I love the choreography for it but considering how Janet has been making the rounds performing on the television circuit, seeing the exact same moves for every performance diminishes the impact of the appearance.

My Post GRAMMY Wrap Up

The 50th Annual Grammy Awards have come and gone and all I can say is...THANK GOD! From the Red Carpet to the Closing Credits, it was once again a non-stop hot mess with small doses of hotness thrown in by accident. It could easily take me from now til the next show to write everything that was wrong but I've got a life so instead, I'll just hit the high and lowlights.

Red Carpet Highlights:

Jay Z
Ne-Yo
Ludacris
Rihanna
Nelly Furtado
Faith Hill - Boring but age appropriate.

Red Carpet Lowlights:

While there were a few fashion missteps which I've listed below, without a doubt, the winners of the 2008 Hot Mess Award goes to Nas & Kelis; Hip Hop's Phoniest Hoodrats. Wasting tons of money on over-priced, cheap jewelry and designer clothes while pretending to make some social commentary on racism in America but really promoting Nas' next flop CD, "Nigger". Nigga pleez!!

Chris Brown - Brotha, you've made a couple dollars. Stop trying to sew your own garments and hire a stylist.



Akon - No fur coats on men! Especially when it's 80 damned degress fool.



Chris Daughtry - No pleather! Especially when it's 80 damned degrees. What if that would've melted on the red carpet? Then again, at least they'd have a new wardrobe malfuction to talk about.



Beyonce - Once again, she had on a "hey look at me" ensemble and once again, she looked like a damned fool. Either Tina Knowles has really bad taste or she hates her daughter's guts. CONDEMN THE HOUSE OF DEREON!



Jill Scott - Jill, I love you but once you you're larger than a Size 11, you must stick to matte finishes. This is not to say that a full figured gal can't shut the red carpet down because she can. But please, please, please, No Shiny Outfits. You looked like a satellite dish.



Corinne Bailey Rae - Mama, those shoes look like you got them on sale from Baker's. Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik, Cesare Paciotti, not BOGO by Payless.

Show Highlights:

Tina Turner still doing the damn thing at the age of 107.

Show Lowlights:

Everything else but especially Alicia Keys screaming "No One" at me. Why does everybody else sound better singing that song than her? When Stevie Wonder introduced her, he sang a line from the song and shut her down before she even got on stage.



Honorable mention goes to the Gospel Extravaganza. Please make Aretha Franklin stop. I thought she was the Queen of Soul as well as the Queen of the Pig People but now, she's taking on the rest of the barnyard. Bebe Winan's cow print jacket was worn in honor of being on stage with the First Lady of Utters.

Who Asked L.A. Reid in the First Damn Place

Stop The Presses! Contrary to what was previously reported by your boy Nate, "LUV" is not the second single from Janet's "Discipline". The second single is definitely "Rock With U", as reported by Janet-Xone.com and other outlets. Sources told Nate that Janet wanted "LUV" to be the second single and the dancers even started rehearsing an already well choreographed routine but L.A. Reid, Janet's label boss feels that "Rock" should be the next single and flexed his bossman muscle. Sources went on to say that when Janet came into rehearsal today, she informed the dancers that there was a change and they started working on choreographing a routine to "Rock". Nate thinks this is a HUGE mistake. "LUV" has all the familiar elements Janet fans love about her music but with an up to date twist that doesn't make her seem like an old lady trying too hard. You know, like Paula I'm Dull. "LUV" is the perfect single to be out when the album drops. Let's hope this doesn't finish mama before she even gets started. We all know that the old skool label execs don't have an original thought in their heads so maybe L.A. Reid chose "Rock With U" because Perez Hilton is really feeling it.

Monkey With a Pet Pig?

50 Pennies, or as I like to call him, Chompers, the Rappin' Monkey (at least he got his teeth fixed), thought he was getting Miss G.O.A.T. but it turned out to be Miss P.I.G.G.Y. I mean come on, she's a trainwreck with no survivors! When she was with B.I.G. she said she was the Black Erica Kane, but now that she's with the Ruler of The Planet of the Apes, I say she's the Black Joan Rivers. Take that back, she look like Miss Swan from Mad TV. "He looka likea chimp!"
And those tracks on her Myspace page or an even bigger disaster. Somebody send this to Foxy with a prison care package. It will make her time behind bars fly by. If B.I.G hadn't been gunned down, her face would've given him a heartache for sure.

Janet, OOH YEAH DAMMIT!!!

The next video for Janet's highly anticipated new disc, "Discipline" is "Luv". You can stream it, along with "Feedback" and another track titled "Rock With U" (no, it's not a cover of her brother Michael's one decent tune from his career...yeah I said it...What!) from her official website. You know Nate has the link.

http://www.janetjackson.com/content/jukebox.php


My sources say the dancers are already rehearsing for a March video shoot. This track is the HOTNESS! Anybody not feeling it is drinking Haterade by the gallons.

Blind Item

Ok kids, let's see if you're on your toes like I think you are. Which celebrity hip hop couple was in Vegas for New Years? Well that's easy, damn near all of them. But, which one might be headed for Judge Maybelline Efraim's Divorce Court because he is sick of her spending all his money. She decided to fly her family and friends out to Vegas to be with with them for the holiday. She said she was gonna ride his card to the wheels fell off...and they did. He was hearing DECLINED all over Sin City. She spends like his money is XXL but he wants to save. He has to think about his Destiny child.

OK Britney...ENOUGH!

I am not now nor have I ever been a Titty, I mean Britney Spears fan. To me, if Madonna and Janet had a baby that was born retarded, addicted to crack and left in a trailer park sniffing heroin, it would be Titty, I mean Britney. She's built her career by biting off of those two far more talented women but, then again, who hasn't? She's a former Mousekateer, turned media whore who cheated on her former Mousekateer boyfriend with his best friend (allegedly) and then got pissed when he sang about it, but then again, who wouldn't? She hooked up with one (many) of her backup dancers, who quickly unrolled his anaconda (word has it, Federline is packing!!!) and plowed her mercilessly and was stupid enough to not only marry him, but squeeze out not one, but two permanent connections to this man, but then again, who doesn't? I say all that to say, Titty, everybody bites off of someone. Everybody makes mistakes when it comes to young love. Everybody has someone in their past who they enjoyed fucking but knows it was a mistake. A BIG MISTAKE even. But it's what you do after all of that which defines who you were, who you are and who you're going to be. If you are really concerned about your kids, keep your ass at home and raise them. Don't be at the clubs, hanging out with Paris, but without your draws. Don't keep hanging out with West Hollywood Crystal queens who want you doped up so you don't remember how much money you spent on them. Don't call the paps to tell them where you're going and then pretend to be annoyed when they show up. And please don't start fucking one of the paps, who is probably only with you for bragging rights and to be able to snap pix and video of you either nude or getting fucked by him. Otherwise, just let Shar and Kevin have the kids and be done with it. You are on the Anna Nicole Express to the cemetary. Whether Federline got you the ticket is up for debate. The fact that you are trying to redeem it is all on you.

Guess Who's Back!

Happy New Year everybody. Sorry I've been MIA but a brotha has a lot of plates spinning in mid air. I promise to try to stay on top of things this year. 2008 is all about being ORGANIC. For Nate, that means giving you the story with no additives or preservatives.