MURDER IN MANHATTAN

R.I.P. Nate & Mimsy

On March 15, 2008, "Saturday Night Live" was the location of the death of my relationship with Mariah Carey. When Mimsy (I shall no longer call her Mimi) came on to the scene with "Vision of Love," I was not impressed mostly because I've never been one to jump on the bandwagon of those chosen by the media to be "the next big thing." She did make some progress with me with her "MTV Unplugged" video and CD, David Morales remixes and a couple of her tunes that I begrudgingly fell in love with. But it was the video for "Honey" in which she jumps into a pool fully clothed, shimmies out of her dress to have on a Tom Ford designed Gucci bikini and coordinating Gucci stilettos. I was like, "now THAT'S what I'm talking about!" We've been together ever since. I stood by her through her divorce from her Svengali, Tommy Mottola. I stood by her when she had her breakdown, brought on by alleged reports that Tommy was trying to sabotage her career and even called up Trey Lorenz, Mimsy's background singer, duet partner ("I'll Be There") and BFF, waving promises of reviving his attempt at a solo career in return for information on her comings and hoeings...I mean goings. Trey reportedly told Mr. Mottola hell no and immediately went back to Mimsy with the dirt. (As I said, this is all alleged. But I believe it...). I even spent my hard earned money seeing "Glitter" in the movie theater. Do you know how much it costs to go to the movies in New York City?!?!?! And despite what has been reported "Glitter" is no worse than Eminen's "8 Mile" or ANYTHING Jennifer Lopez has starred in.

Mimsy and I made it through the rain because I thought we belonged together but alas, it's time for me to shake it off. Her performance on SNL was a car crash with no survivors. While she looked great, she sounded a hot mess and her dancers looked like they were at rehearsal instead of on live television. But it wasn't just the performance. What's up with but the material. If "Touch My Body" and some bum ass song featuring T Pain (I was so disgusted, I didn't bother to catch the title) is any indication of what her forthcoming album, "E=MC2" is like, the only way I'll own it is if someone gives it to me. She will not buy another Louis Vuitton anything with my money.

When Janet was on "TRL" a couple weeks ago, the crowd was so pumped, the roof almost blew off the joint. Mimsy only got polite applause on "SNL". Mimsy, how you gonna let Janet blow you out the water like that and she's damn near 10 years older than you? You were supposed to do one of those downtempo ditties like "We Belong Together," hit one of those bird whistles, bring down the house and make people forget you were a replacement for Janet because she has the flu. You sucked big time and not in a good way. Of course, I reserve the right to eat my words and change my mind if something hot pops off that album, but at this point, good luck on that.