First let me say, for those who got upset about the "knee caps" comment, it was a joke and not meant to offend Janet's legions of fans. I LOVE Janet. There is no bigger Janet fan than me so fluff down. Now, it seems that things are a little bit more serious than initially thought. Nothing life threatening but she needs to be monitored and she needs to chill for a minute. It looks like the next show might not be until Connecticut. Stay tuned.

Mama Needs Some Rest

Sorry I've been away so long but Mimi's late ass album still has me devastated. Anyway...Bon jour Montreal, Janet had to cancel. Her dancers bucked her to the floor in Toronto last night and her knee caps are down for the count. See you Boston. Any bloggers who use this info would want to give me credit.

Crash Landing

Mimsy was on "Good Morning America" performing the hot garbage from that bum ass CD, "E=Real Live Tired". I missed the show because I had to watch my dishes dry but I heard the explosion when she hit the ground. The vocal track started early and then one of her background singers started doing Mimsy's part. At this point, Mimsy turns around and sings, "stop singing my part now baby..." at the soon-to-be-fired vocalist. Contrary to what people have been saying, neither the background singer nor the sound engineer are on my payroll. But...I might put them in the WILL if they keep it up. HA!

THIS JUST IN..

Janet starts rehearsals next week for her performance on "Dancing With The Stars" during May sweeps. I have never seen the show before but from what I understand, they get 20 million viewers every week. I guess it can't hurt. Yo Jan, call me so we can discuss your look for the show. Enough of those french poodle curls. You need to be rocking that streamlined, straight do you had at the end of the "Feedback" video. I wouldn't be mad if I saw that red jumpsuit and those stiletto boots either but I know repeats are a no no. And let's get to work on the "LUV" video. I've got ideas so lets talk.

WHAT!

Why oh why won't people let me just be nice? You know folks are always sending Nate stuff to get him to start READING. Well...here Nate goes again. One reader took it upon himself to forward me a link to a posting from female (?) rapper, Kh-Kh-Khia's MySpace page. She's carrying on about how her footage in Janet's "So Excited" video was handled. First, why are you still talking about "So Excited?" That was like 20 years ago. See how people make me act?

Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia said they had her looking like some old Alfred Hitchcock episode. For you youngsters, Alfred Hitchcock was a movie director ("Psycho", "The Birds" and a list of other classic films...Netflix them) who also had a mystery TV show called, "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" back when there was no such thing as DirectTV, cable television or even color television for that matter. She said that Janet is a legend and shouldn't be intimidated by her. WHAT! Intimidated by what? Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia's looks? Good luck on that. If Janet binged on Krispy Kreme until she was the size of Madison Square Garden, she'd still be more beautiful than the Khia Pet. Maybe she meant that Janet is intimidated by her success. WHAT! Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia best record sales wouldn't add up to Janet's worst. Plus Janet has a career that spans television, film and music. Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia Pet, besides making a few sales at Christmas time as a gag gift has had what, one single? Her back, her neck, my ass.

This chick sounds real stupid. If she was paying attention, she would have noticed that Janet was not the director of the video and she sure as hell didn't sit down and edit it. If Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia has a problem with how she looked in the video, she might want to speak with the director, or her sylist, or her parents, or even the clown in the mirror.

I realize that it's common practice in the music business for nobody's to create drama between themselves and successful established artists to get some press but let's be serious. The only thing Janet did to you Kh-Kh-Kh-Khia is give you a check. Otherwise, you'd probably be working the 3am shift at some pancake house in Jacksonville...with yo bum ass.

MY EYES, MY EYES!!!

OK, once again, Nate has had all he can take. What the fuck is Madonna's problem? Has she started believing her own press or what? I used to be a fan of hers. Big time. She used to be my playground. Not because of her vocal ability. I mean let's face it, Madonna makes Janet sound like an opera diva. But she was entertaining and when she bit off of other people's ideas, to the general public, she seemed original. But now, here comes GrandMa-Donna doing a duet with Justin Timberflake, produced by Timbaland. Didn't Nelly Tostados do that already and with much better results?

I realize that there is nothing new under the sun, especially in the music business but there is such a thing as creativity, something that GrandMa-Donna seems to have lost. She obviously needs a better class of queens in her court to advise her. She looks like a 90 year old hand bag on her new album cover, trying to muster up something that vaguely resembles her former raunchy sex appeal. Now I understand why Marilyn Monroe and Anna Nicole took themselves out while they were still young. They didn't want to end up looking like a damn fool.

Granny, be grateful for your previous accomplishments for they are many and they are major. Now go sit your old ass down somewhere and stop embarrassing your husband and children.

MURDER IN MANHATTAN

R.I.P. Nate & Mimsy

On March 15, 2008, "Saturday Night Live" was the location of the death of my relationship with Mariah Carey. When Mimsy (I shall no longer call her Mimi) came on to the scene with "Vision of Love," I was not impressed mostly because I've never been one to jump on the bandwagon of those chosen by the media to be "the next big thing." She did make some progress with me with her "MTV Unplugged" video and CD, David Morales remixes and a couple of her tunes that I begrudgingly fell in love with. But it was the video for "Honey" in which she jumps into a pool fully clothed, shimmies out of her dress to have on a Tom Ford designed Gucci bikini and coordinating Gucci stilettos. I was like, "now THAT'S what I'm talking about!" We've been together ever since. I stood by her through her divorce from her Svengali, Tommy Mottola. I stood by her when she had her breakdown, brought on by alleged reports that Tommy was trying to sabotage her career and even called up Trey Lorenz, Mimsy's background singer, duet partner ("I'll Be There") and BFF, waving promises of reviving his attempt at a solo career in return for information on her comings and hoeings...I mean goings. Trey reportedly told Mr. Mottola hell no and immediately went back to Mimsy with the dirt. (As I said, this is all alleged. But I believe it...). I even spent my hard earned money seeing "Glitter" in the movie theater. Do you know how much it costs to go to the movies in New York City?!?!?! And despite what has been reported "Glitter" is no worse than Eminen's "8 Mile" or ANYTHING Jennifer Lopez has starred in.

Mimsy and I made it through the rain because I thought we belonged together but alas, it's time for me to shake it off. Her performance on SNL was a car crash with no survivors. While she looked great, she sounded a hot mess and her dancers looked like they were at rehearsal instead of on live television. But it wasn't just the performance. What's up with but the material. If "Touch My Body" and some bum ass song featuring T Pain (I was so disgusted, I didn't bother to catch the title) is any indication of what her forthcoming album, "E=MC2" is like, the only way I'll own it is if someone gives it to me. She will not buy another Louis Vuitton anything with my money.

When Janet was on "TRL" a couple weeks ago, the crowd was so pumped, the roof almost blew off the joint. Mimsy only got polite applause on "SNL". Mimsy, how you gonna let Janet blow you out the water like that and she's damn near 10 years older than you? You were supposed to do one of those downtempo ditties like "We Belong Together," hit one of those bird whistles, bring down the house and make people forget you were a replacement for Janet because she has the flu. You sucked big time and not in a good way. Of course, I reserve the right to eat my words and change my mind if something hot pops off that album, but at this point, good luck on that.